eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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