WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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