Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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