dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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