i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need a hoe opinion
go on
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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