Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
