I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
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