he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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