So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
