Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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