Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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