Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
