note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
