I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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