I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
