I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
how drunk are you?
Several
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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