Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That was an excessively violent trivia night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
