I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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