I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
