I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
