I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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