so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
