she woke up with a sticky ear
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
