Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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