i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
