I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
