i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
