Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
