I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
