I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
