I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I want to fling myself into the sun
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
