a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
