a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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