How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
