hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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