Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
