Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
