I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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