Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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