i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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