i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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