You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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