I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just high enough for therapy.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
