If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
