I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
