my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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