just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
