I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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