R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
