Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
