If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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