so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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