My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
