You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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