Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so let's talk penis.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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