my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
