Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
