She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
