Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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