Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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