The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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