Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
