Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
