If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
