sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
