i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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