i permit you to call me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
