if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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