Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
