There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
