I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
