next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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