no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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