i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
