final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
