You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
