When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
