Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
