if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
