just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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