What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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